Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize