How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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