So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
