I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
