please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
