I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
