It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize