A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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