i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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