Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
