You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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