i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
