I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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