I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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