Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Randomize
