so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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