my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
