john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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