4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
