i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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