hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
