I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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