you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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