listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
