Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
