I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
