Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
