Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a burrito and a hug.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
