he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
