I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
