He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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