Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
