I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
