The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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