hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
