You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
