It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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