Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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