Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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