I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
sex in a hospital.. check
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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