Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
