Say something about gay babies.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
