This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
