I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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