Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
