If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
