GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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