she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
