last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
