I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
