I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
