My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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