I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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