Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
