my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
