apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
being pregnant is like rehab
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
