I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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