Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
