and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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