What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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