STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry my hands just texted you
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
