i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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