News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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