You're my little dorito
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?