and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.