btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
