I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits