I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line