is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn