don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
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