i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
