:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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