it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just high enough for therapy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
