I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
