Even the bartender felt bad for me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
