and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
