I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
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I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
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I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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